She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're like the curious george of whores
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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