I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
