the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
