Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
