even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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