dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Screwed.edu
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
