That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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