Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize