Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
