you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
