We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
