Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Less talking, more tequila
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
