No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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