so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
