When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
