Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
