Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
