im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
