I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I fill condoms, not promises.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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