I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
