the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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