It's Friday. Sex?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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