You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
