he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
