You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
