actually, I'm a sock model
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
