the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
