just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
