My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
