A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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