omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
