I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this hospital has no fireball
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
