I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize