I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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