I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
