I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize