The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
