I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
