I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize