I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i need some magic done to my vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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