I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
