i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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