i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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