Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
