I've blown a few things in my day
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
