Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Enjoy the penises
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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