Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
