Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
