so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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