why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
