Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
