HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
birth control should be required to get into college
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
