she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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