New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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