In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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