you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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