In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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