Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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