My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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