mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize