I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
