well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
