"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
