Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
