So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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