I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
