Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
