You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
