I can text with my tongue
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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